little people to be fed

this is very much me this weekend

on a rating of 1 to 10 i think that my weekend has been a sore 3

...or somewhere there...below 5

yesterday

i cancelled going out with a friend [who ended up cancelling on my newai] because my parents had planned this random family-that-does-not-include-my-older-brother-because-he-has-the-right-to-say-he-doesn't-wanna-come outing but if me and brian had any plans we gotta cancel em cos family comes first [but not before my older brother's girlfriend]

and then it ends up

that we didn't do anything

we stayed home till the afternoon when everyone realised that the period of preparing to leave was actually was pass over and that we were in fact...not going...my parents went to go see some house auction and threw $50 at us little people to feed

my olderbrother was still there for lunch....we walked to the glen and had to wait a riduculously long time for some kfc...which i didn't really enjoy anyway and had to put up with my older brothers annoying rambling with his jokes that are only funny to himself cos he thinks he's WAY up there

and we walked home in the hot sun with my brother still talking...and bugging....and then i flopped on my bed and decided that i should have infact stayed in my bed all day...refusing to do anything [which i had planned to do before i realised that i HAD to have a shower...which i did which promted me to go and take in some sunlight]

and then i could hear my mother and aunty sitting in the kitchen saying [where is she?] really loudly waiting for someone to answer....and wen no one did they come tumbling into my room and collapse ontop of my slapping my face and asking if i wanna go out with them

no i did not want to go out with them because i really can't stand my aunty, and i can sorta tolerate my mother at home wen she has a few other things to concentrate on but not when we are out together and she has nothing else to do but critisize me

so i slept

and then it became night time and we had to go out to eat korean.

i don't like japanese food...i have come to sorta like some korean food

and when they suggested to go to eat korean at box hill...i assumed that it would be the one korean restaurant in box hill that they always go to...but no...how silly of me...they mean the japanese/korean restaurant NEXT to the one that we usually go to called big ma ma 2 or something and it was aweful

and our family

we don't talk

[older brother again absent from the 'family' moment]

we sat there at our table with uncomfortable silence while the really big long table next to us were being noisy in korean...and the waiter went aroud dropping stuff and spilling some type of liquid on brian.

now 2dai.

we got up...early morning

to go to some place my older brother had mentioned....kinglake or something

and then we left....and then we stopped at mcdonalds where we had to wait about the same time we had to wait the other day for kfc

again awkward silence over the maple syrup

and again

my older brother is not needed for this 'family' outing

there was one good bit...we stopped at this place...de bortolli or something

it was one of the grape/wine farm places

parents went in to tast wine while me and brian went to play in the nicest grass i have ever felt, there were cool and slightly damp and very bouncy...it was nice

and the grapes and stuff reminded me alot about this movie i'd watched a while ago with mum something about a walk in the clouds...with keanu reeves...it was a good movie...and left me with good images

but then we were off again

with the car that has this smell to it that i really just don't like....that put together with my dad's bad driving [it's really just the brake...he doesn't do well with the brake...he can't do it smoothly...] it wasn't suprising that i started to feel sick pretty fast

then we got out again...at the actualy 'king lake' spot

it was hot..

and everything was dry...the grass hurt my feet [wearing sandals] and there was no shade...there was...but no chairs under the shade...chairs in direct sunlight yes...chairs near shadeful trees...noooooo......and then we started of on one of those dreadful walking tracks

as we can see...i'm not a nature person

i don't like travelling long distances to look at grass and trees....and don't like walking tracks....even if i did like looking at foliage...i can't seem to look anywhere but my feet......especially wearing sandals! no1 told me we were gonna do anywalking....it's just....we're going to kinglake...was i wrong in assuming it was a bloody lake we were visiting?!?!?!

we stopped off at sofia's for lunch

i felt sick

so i wanted something heavy to ground me...and something not qualified as junk/fast food because....well that's all i'd had for almost 2 days....but i'm sorry....i just never really liked the pasta at sofia's....and btw...laporchetta was right next door....why do we always go to the dodgier option right next door?? so we had pizza

not really satisfing but watever

got home....finally

slept

read a book...that i'm not really liking...i find that i don't really like modern day books nemore

they always seem to include....people getting drunk...people taking drugs...people have sex with random strangers...people living POV....people being gross....and reading about people being gross makes me feel gross...why do people like to feel gross??? like i can take crime and horror and all that....i can take modern-thems...but modern reality...it bites

newai

me and friends were planning for something on monday

and every1 seems to have cancelled on that as well

my friends

don't seem to like to go out

they can't use the excuse of money nemore cos most of them have jobs

but no1 wants to organise

not even help in organising

goes like this: 'so wat do you want to do?' 'i duno' 'wat about the city?' 'nah too far away, too troublesome...lets just go to knox or glenwaverley, but i don't know if it's open' someone else: 'or we can just come over to my place and order pizza and bum' and then we all leave it

it is assumed that julia will organise it because she brought it up and because it's her house that is also an option

but she got sick on saturday and she doesn't seem to be returning any emails that are circulating among our group

and i want to help organise

so we're getting sorta close...jasmine votes julia's house, i finally go for julia's place as well...the twins say knox...and then...the twins decide that they don't want to...they will go and do their own thing....and then melody says she doesn't reallly wanna do anything either....unless we think of something good...now here comes the pressure.

monica and julia do not return any emails

hayley is on holiday

i talk to jasmine..the only one responding and not seeming to be against going out

but damn she is also disagreeable

'do you still wanna go out?' -me

'yeh but there's not much to do' -jasmine

'right so do you wanna go and bum at some1's place or go out? we could go and hang around shopping centres with air con...go to the city...[i mean jeez...you just gotta get to the train station and then we're in the cooooool zone the rest of the way!]' -me - and i'm bloody open for anything now...you wanna go jump in some mud, alright lets do it! atleast get something out of you..i'm getting nothing here...like sarah says...no wood on the fire!

'i have no way of getting anywhere and i don't know how to get places' -jasmine

'ok so do you want to go out cos then if you do then we can figure it out...if you don't then [i duno what i said here....probably something about me digging up some self fun for myself...but i was thinking 'if you don't want to do something then just bugger off!']-me

'well i'm not really sure anymore' 'but if you think of something fun i'll come' -jasmine

yeh bugger off

i have no friends that like to go out

or have the same interests as me

i'm shit at making new friends as well

and the friends that are more likely to go out....well i'm their 2nd level of friends.

i don't know if i'm in the right crowd

i need some nonsense

i really sympathise with julia...most of the time its her that organises stuff...and yeh problems do always come up but she still tries

i sent an email to julia saying all that stuff [except for the rated 3 weekend] in a shorter version....and i think i would have slightly freaked her out....esp. if we're not on the same wavelength.

2dai is the ninth

i have a dvd i borrowed from the library overdue 4 days.

i just want to sleep

but damnit i don't want to be defeated in this

like i feel that if i end up doing nothing

or doing something lame...that i'll go to skool and they'll say 'so did you end up doing anyhting?' and if i say no then they'll say different versions of 'i told you so...it was a stupid idea of going out anyway' and if i said yes....well i better of had some fun that will make them envious

i don't tend to have fun with my family, except brian...but brian doesn't like to leave the house and saying that i went out with my brother comes with the same response to saying i went alone...

we don't talk with our outer family [uncles and aunties] i have no grandparents [except one who is kept locked up in her room] i have primary skool friends...but none that will spontaneously come out to play 2morow....wat am i supposed to do

wat type of friends do i have

there's not enough love to stay in contact through uni

we're...acquaintances that need someone to sit with during lunch time and people to invite to birthday parties

brittany: loving you since kindergarden...i hope it goes for a long time, i noe this is soo....drama queen of me....and lame....and corny...but wenever i think of myself on an adventure...overseas...road trip...uni...that friend that you go with is always you....i feel like i'm gonna be sick on my ew ness

this stuff i can't say out loud..

it's TOO weird

blog

yeh....leaving off with good thoughts...

brittany, trina and dianne....good friends.