oh bum

i had something to say

that i was slightly excited to say

but i've gone and forgotten

.

well

anyway there was this other thing that happened

i watched 2 eps of buffy today, and then i had a nap

and then i woke up and got on the computer to do some stuff

and then som1 called

and because i was still a bit >< .......[i had a whole heap of other stuff i wrote....really good stuff....and stuff to explain these photos...but something happened and it's all gone...and i will not do it all again cos it will not be as good so yeh....]

the joys of digital photography

wrote this yesterday:

in that dark and scary place right now

i'm not happy with my body

the condition of my skin shames me,

it also makes me physically feel ew and mentally...unconfident

how'd i get into this state of mind?

well it started with that icky, irritating feeling that i get that makes me just...irritated and scratch/ungently rub my face. usually, the only remedy for this irritation is to sleep it off or to have a real good shower.

no, a real-good-face-wash will not suffice, it must be a shower. don't ask me why

so i've had my shower and i've moisturised many layers of moisturising cream. but my face still burns and irritates in a different way, different but if anything, even more irritating. so this is when i sit down, eat my dinner and, feeling guilty, i write a list of things that i should do more to improve my health.

writing this list, i ate alot of food (healthy dinner that i put together myself ^___^) and drank alot of water. too much healthy food and water. so i've managed to make myself feel even more bloated than usual.

so bloated that it hurt.

and all i wanted to do was lay down and make the pain go away but then because i was feeling unusually bloated and fat, i didn't want to lay down after a meal and build up extra fat. so i sat and read some of a Nick Hornby book then started writing a blog entry (bye hand) while watching scrubs.

i feel better now

but i do wish these...attacks (damn word that i'm looking for won't come to me!) of up and down-ness would just stop. i wish it were all uo...or all stable

i have lots more to talk a bout, epiphanies, dvds, the snow, another career alternative, countries, tshirts, etc. but it's too much to write by hand.

it is Buffy time.

so yeh, i'm still not gonna talk about that other stuff now because...i'm tired and i have to do lots of preparation for the creative sac that i have tomorrow (literature)...i thought it was on friday but it is actually tomorrow

but frankly i can't be bothered

i guess it is again...Buffy time.

official rain

for me

it is now officially winter.

not until it rains for a full day, or forces me to walk under an umbrella, is it properly winter.

now i have lots of work to do

LOTS!

weeee

got dvds today

restrained myself

bought 3:

Life is Beautiful

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Scrubs: season2

'friends' was not on sale

and they didn't have the IT crowd or black books

well they had one last box set of black books but i've already got season1 so that didn't help much

the were playing black books on the tv too....i didn't notice till i heard manny saying 'bernard' in the way he does

lots of other stuff was on sale too

i was dizzy

art deco was good

and not good

the whole art deco thing is cool

how modern some of the designs are!

but then because there was so much it got a bit boring

i'm still tired from the trip

came back and helped mum cut a HUGE pot of mushrooms...this is for the 600people wedding on saturday

yeh...will edit my dvd list

Friends is also on sale!

i've gone so crazy i can't feel me feet

...or is it just cold?

AHHHH!

season2 of Two and a Half Men is also on sale!!1

i'm going crazy!

AHHH!

the IT Crowd is on sale at jb!!!

i don't noe if it is in stores of it just is on sale if you buy it online

usually $28.99, now $12.98

that's something dollars and 1cent!!!

must.buy.dvds....

yay!...i hope

it is now 7:15, 3hours after anesthetic and i feel no pain!!

i hope this means that there will be no pain between now and wen it is pulled out

and that i haven't just jinxed myself

am bored...will look for more movies to add to my list

my chin is numb

it feels funny wen i scratch it

the right side of my tongue and lower right cheek is also numb

so if you decided to slap me only on the right side of my tongue i would not feel a thing

...although why you would feel inclined to slap my tongue at all is a mystery

now attempting to eat grilled fish

strange

it's like it's there....and i'm chewing it..

but then i move it to the other side...and it's gonee!

which is dangerous wen you think about the bones

bad news

will be pulling out 3 teeth and possibly getting braces

last week after my visit to the dentist i experienced intense pain until morning

today just as i was about to leave she comes out and says she forgot to mention that i mite experience it again tonight

so right now i'm eating as much as i can...being happy as much as i can....and...should be clearing my bed of all the clothes so that i can just lay in it later

but the suspense!

i wrote a thing in japanese!

it's not really a story...and not really an essay...it's a thing

it's about getting a job

and i'm so proud

not at the content...but at my ability to write long sentences/passages in japanese...

it's so pretty!


gack!

almost swallowed a bone

alright...gonna go and...relish my feeling of numbess

remotely strange?

baked some cookies

last batch in the oven now

went to go get the recipe and found two big packets of my two favourite chip flavours in the cupboard

hm....wat are you hiding mother? secret snacks!?

had another weird dream this morning

although i can't really remember it all

there was one part where my dad was going to give all his jeans away since they didn't fit his belly inside them anymore

oh i'm starting to remember more

i was sitting on the ground in a kind of dark castle and looking through Anais' studio art folio [although...she doesn't actually do studio art so yeh] and it had stacks and stacks of really cool stuff in it

and then this woman with short [shoulder] bouncy blonde hair and tiny spectacles on comes in, sits on the other side of Anais' folio and starts talking to me about my folio

she starts off really nicely...you noe that way people talk before saying something bad

she's like, i've looked at ur folio, and it's really good, lots of this and that.......

and then she says that it's a very positive folio, the way i write/talk about my stuff is really...well i keep complementing myself

she says that they [whoever 'they' are] are worried that when i go out into the world

and i interupt and say that i noe that my stuff isn't really that good to the outside world, but that to me it is good, and that i noe that the world is a much harder judge than myself

she gives me a funny look

then suddenly i'm on the carpet in my lounge room and mum is talkin to the rest of the family in the kitchen about how scared she used to be back wen my dad worked during the day and she'd be at home with us kids...like closing the curtains...not answering the door, pretending not to be home.. [btw it is all true...she's mentioned it many times before]

and then som1 rings our doorbell and we get all freaked out and i go to answer the door...just opening the wooden door a crack...and i see that stuck to the fly-wire door is an envelope, i reach through to grap it and i realise that there's this car on our....cement block that leads to the door? and the headlights are shining so that a silhouette of a man can be seen...and it's freaky cos i'm grabbing at the envelope but it just won't come off the door....i finally get it and lock the door rushedly [is that a word?]

mum is talkin on the phone to som1....talking about how she knows how to use a gun, she'd learnt the basics back wen dad worked during the day...all while i was struggling with the door...which makes everything that little bit freakier

i open the envelope and i take out this book...you noe wen there's so much in a book that the pages kinda boof up from the spine? yeh it was like that. and it seemed much bigger than the actual envelope....

so i start flipping through it and it's like pages from all my folios and some bits from my blog and even conversations i've had with people....as well as msn conversations....and i'm trying to read a certain one that i had with a green-lady...i don't know anything else about her...i think she wore green and had long brown hair....

but the pages kept flipping back and forth and my mind was racing and i couldn't make sense of anything

that's all i can remember

i think there was also this part where someone was talkin to harry potter about being worried about him...like his attitude...and so he had to take care of this little thing...didn't look anything like a house elf but apparently it was....for...i think 36 years...and harry gets annoyed and storms off with the house elf struggling to keep up

i noe there was more..but i've forgotten

i have nothing else remotely interesting happening in my life

Another Dream

yeh i had another weird dream and wrote down some words [not necessarily 'key' words] so that i wouldn't forget

but judging from the huge reaction the last dream retelling i'll leave out the explanation and just leave the words here:

wedding, car, quick lock, miss one, rape, man, footy tickets, embarrassment, awkward hug, nice hug [i clearly remember the nice-ness of this hug...nice broad shoulders too!], confession, anger, oanh [my aunty] ask for 4carat diamond, cake shop, ordered by mum to order the stuff, go to table, me, mum & oanh, decline specialty, waiter pissed, mum&oanh devour, my mouth full of wedding cake, mum compliments carrot cake, i want but there's nomore, they pig down, they want more, book shop, brain-washing-feminists, heath ledger?

wow...guess wat song just came on

Billy Joel - River of Dreams

Another Night

i haven't been blogging lately

partially because i've gotten bak in touch with my grandma via email and that seems to satisfy my typing-thoughts-down needs

and partially because nobody's commenting!!!

so right now, i am delaying the reply to my grandma's last email and letting out all my typing energy here

i'm in the Bee Gees mood:

haha, there's a scary pic for you

since the last blog, which i can't even remember wen it was, i have done many things

i think

it does seem like alot tho

my aunty was having marital problems and came over one saturday

oh i remmeber...it was last saturday, since that was the day i didn't go to japanese skool because i didn't really wanna get up and my mum didn't seem to care

anyway, she came over, without the kids, but with her husbands credit card

and we went to max brenners....had some chocolate and waffers...had alot of male-bashing conversations...brian seemed awkward

then went home to get ready for work, put all the necessary things, like uniform and makeup in mums car and got into my aunty's car to go shopping!

it was a bit scary at first cos her husband had called and she was talking, heatedly, on the phone while driving a manual car

but then it became ok

we went to myer, it stayed open longer than the rest of the centre

so it was me, my aunty and brian in myer...searching for something for my aunty to splurge on, but didn't really need

she got a country road top, an expensive dress/wrap and some shoes; a total of $310

i found something for myself too!

a pair of dianna ferrari boots; knee high, dark brown, with a heel

and it was fantastic because i've found it hard to find any decent boots that fit the contrasting sizes of my feet and..legs...shins?

yup...happy happy....

it was $200 before reduction; got it for $140

then went to work and it was ok...nobody ended up sitting on the whole side which my tables were located...so lots of people were sent over to the other side to help, but i got stuck in the bar with an old man who has suspicious eyes and doesn't talk to me

i think i have/had a crush on som1 new

i thought i was over the damn crushes by now since it's been a while since i've had one...and i do noe everytime that they are useless obessessions...but why do they torture me so?!


my older brother has this close friend, who has this thing for a very pretty waitress....but she doesn't seem to like him bak...and then she started bringing her brother along to work since their mum was getting worried about his life and at the start...i didn't think anything of him

he was just like all the others...those young asians with that stupid hair..except that his face doesn't look like typical asian...kinda looks half

but then on my first day outside, as a waitress....i realised that i did not like him

he was a mean, coccky bum who had no friends

but then we've somehow become friends...ah now that i've gotten to this part i feel really embarrassed

i'm going to move on now...to another subject

i went with my mum to bridge road the other day before going to footscray to get a hair cut

bought a shirt from espirit; $60 down to $7...very happy

didn't like the hair cut at first

the guy, hairdressers husband, dryed it weird, mad e it all bobby and rounddd and straight...

so i thought it was actually gonna always be like that

but then it ends up...it's not!

looks quite similar to wat i had before except shorter...although no1 even seems to be noticing that it even is shorter

i guess not much was taken off the bak...since the bak was always short...but it definitly is different!

so Mamma Mia movie today

loved it

another movie i've seen and loved: Dear Frankie

Casablanca and Gone with the Wind were ok wen watching it but afterwards they really stick in ur head...

ah, i'm bored? this doesn't seem to be as stimulating as it usually is