i'm an asian

need to vent
vent
vent...
bad pen to be venting with, it's too stiff (and just ran out), the words will not flow out in the right vent-y way
hand writing sucks, the words can't come out right...or fast enough
i'm wearing my dark sunnies and brim hat, indoors, beacuse i'm feeling gloomy
i hate being an l plater
i don't want to
its a low status, the yellow-ness annoys me
which is why i want to get my p plate asap
well, partially why.
also cos i think it's a waste of time. get through all the crappy restrictions quickly so that i will sooner be free and able to do watever i want
so i got my l plate day after my birthday, easy since it was all up to me; read a book and take a test
but nowwwww it's crap cos i have to rely on others to gain experience enough to go for my p plate
my dad is selfish, everyone agrees, i only discovered it myself recently, so he wouldn't help me even if i was learning automatic (he knows manual anyway, he never mentions lessons, he acts as if it has nothing to do with him)
my mum is alwayyysss busy. plus she only knows auto
any older brother is a lying, unreliable twenty-something. i always thought him the reliable type, the way he gets so heated by the unreliability of others. lazy hypocrite.
my first instructor was crap. asian of course.
although i sat at the wheel it wasn't me driving. was a show made to look like i was progressing and giving well earned money as repayment
so i stopped after a few lessons
abt a year later, i started with the racv.
he was good. western of course.
it was purely me driving, the only time any peddles moved without my feet's consent were when the car wasn't moving.
he constantly pointed things out, teaching the process and quizzing to make sure i listened. things is, he made me nervouse, he was so friendly and that confused me since i didn't have enough brain power left to focus on friendly-ness. but i stuck withhim cos he was good
soon enough, i got to a decent level of driving
he told me to get my brother to take me driving atleast once a week for a while then in two months time to call him back so he can check on how i was progressing and so on till i was ready for the test.
sounded good since jonny had agreed confidently to do just that.
so bye bye teacher-that-teaches, bye bye nice normal car.
and hello brother-that-panics, hello stiff-uncomfortable sports car...for two weeks.
we had two lessons. once in our back streets and once in the knox parking lot.
then he left me. maybe there was that one month when he gave me an auto lesson...but otherwise there was nothing but a whole lot of 'yeah yeah i'll take you this wednesday, don't start your lessons again, you got me.'
now, several months later, it is january and my p plate test is in 4 months.
it has been almost two years
i was ok when i stopped racv lessons, crapper with my brother, and in the last months i'm sure my skill has fallen back to the starting point.
why won't anyone help me?
everybody's all 'when jess can drive she'll be able to help us out with this and this and this...' but geez, they don't lift a finger to even help me get there!
today jonny offered a lesson
but wen we got home he says 'half hour break', it's been an hour and a half [well actually now it's after dinner but wen i was writing this it had been 1.5 hours]
he's lying on his bed sending emails n talking on his mobile. when i came in to remind him he got all irritated and shouted
i'm an asian
i hate wasting money
i don't believe that this money needs to be spent
but i guess i'll have to start racv lessons again
luckily, i don't need 120hrs
so mad mad mad
so sad sad sad
so stresssssed!!!!

Jade's Masquerade Party

look

it's me being lazy

in a dress

attractively lazy

not

Orange Letters

tried to comment on a note brittany did on facebook

but then some weird maintennance stuff happened

so i can't

luckily, i copied it before it dissappeared

will keep it here for safety

LOL this is funny

lots of the time it doesn't make sense, but then lots of the time it does!

like: How will you die? - kissing the lipless

^________^

i had another dream

weird as well

something about showers

[i just saw the link between my dreams...showers...]

and harry potter uniforms

and evil janitors

i actually remember it quite well cos once i'd woken up i took the time to lie there thinking the details over

but

i don't really like this dream, it didn't feel nice, and it's kinda boring

i didn't like 101 dalmations, cos it was too sad

seeing all the little puppies struggling to walk in the cold snow and the fat one being hungry...

Dark Shopping & Dumplings

had a dream

monica was in it

i was mad at my brothers for calling her to come over just to make dumplings

and we had lots of food in the fridge, like lots of yummy foods to be eaten

so i'd just come out of the shower and was moisturising my face [which was in very bad condition]

and i started talking to myself, something about pimples

and then i hear a voice behind me replying 'that's because....' something

and i jumped, grabbed a towel and all that

'who are you?'

which was stupid cos i knew who it was

i knew that it was a friend

but i just couldn't remember the name

'monica'

'monica?' and i was straining cos, the face didn't seem to match the name

but then i finally realised that it WAS monica

and then that's wen we talked about why she was there and i got mad and stuff

then we went out and found lots of food in the fridge

anyway, another section...

i was travelling with my parents

and we had like a meeting place on a boat

it was asian, like that bright red with gold and green bits

and the only part that i would experience was the end of the day wen i would go to a certain part of the boat to meet my parents

it was the same everyday

until the last day wen the boat seemed backwards

and i went to the end and i thought 'this is the wrong end'

so i started walking back to the other end but then i noticed my mum sitting there

she hadn't noticed me although she had been calling me worrying about where i was

then i sat down with her and stuff happened...but i can't remember

all i remmeber is that dad gave me a card

and it had lots of writing

but i couldn't read it

apparently it was very heartfelt and full of love and stuff

but i couldn't read it

another section...

this was once my brother had woken me up to talk to my aunty who was just telling me that she was coming over and to make sure that i didn't have any plans so that i'd be there wen she comes

so i dreamt, with the basic knowledge that my aunty was waiting for me

i went shopping

even tho she was waiting for me

with brittany, julz, emily, monica [brittany and julz were just presences that i could feel, though i don't actually remember seeing them]

we were going through something like myer

and then we stopped at one section which was like a whole seperate room

about the size of my bedroom

and it was dark

with a dodgy table with shirts layed out on top of it

and another smaller table with sheets of paper on it and a room next to it for changing

apparently we had to fill out a form before even looking through the clothes

but there was no1 there so me and emily were just looking through the clothes

found a whole stack of stuff that i wanted to try on

somebody, possibly brittany or monica, was worried and kept telling us to fill out the form

so i sat down to fill it out before i went into the room to try the stuff on

then this asian family came in and went into the changing room

i told them that i was first but that they could stay in there until i'd filled out the form

but the form seemed blurry and i couldn't think of the answers to the questions

the one that really bummed me was wat my mobile number was

monica was trying to help me

but i was too stupid

i couldn't find it in my phone

so i tried looking it up on monica's phone

but it was too weird and complex

like it was in alphabetic order, but it had many alphabets

and there was a weird voice, like a gameshow, saying that the challenge set was to find 'jessica'

and the names were rolling by like the pictures in the slot machines

anyway, i don't know wat happened in the end, but it was all figured out

then i went into the changing room

and the asian family were all settled in beds and stuff, like living there

and i started yelling at them cos i was very frustrated from filling out the form

and then my aunty called to ask me where i was

i was trying to juggle talkin to my aunty and telling the asian family off

and then the supervisor of the place comes and i'm trying to tell her wat happened and it's all hectic

thats all

now i feel all dizzy stressed

i want to sleep more

my aunty is here.

Revelations in Revolution

i have just realised the real lyrics in a certain part of Revolution by the beatles

i always thought it was kinda weird, but, it was the beatles and alot of their stuff is beautifully random

i thought it went

'...but if you go on carrying pictures of cham-o-mile...'

but while watching Across the Universe i have realised exactly how stupid that is

it's chairman mao

not chamomile tea!

-___________-

Catalogues

looked through the target epic dvd sale catalogue

circled a few

and added up the cost

if i were to buy only the dvds i liked enough to circle

i'd have to spend

$203.89

i wish i had enough money so that this would seem like small change

by the way, jim sturgess from across the universe has the same birthday as me [although obviously not the same year]