i'm an asian

need to vent
vent
vent...
bad pen to be venting with, it's too stiff (and just ran out), the words will not flow out in the right vent-y way
hand writing sucks, the words can't come out right...or fast enough
i'm wearing my dark sunnies and brim hat, indoors, beacuse i'm feeling gloomy
i hate being an l plater
i don't want to
its a low status, the yellow-ness annoys me
which is why i want to get my p plate asap
well, partially why.
also cos i think it's a waste of time. get through all the crappy restrictions quickly so that i will sooner be free and able to do watever i want
so i got my l plate day after my birthday, easy since it was all up to me; read a book and take a test
but nowwwww it's crap cos i have to rely on others to gain experience enough to go for my p plate
my dad is selfish, everyone agrees, i only discovered it myself recently, so he wouldn't help me even if i was learning automatic (he knows manual anyway, he never mentions lessons, he acts as if it has nothing to do with him)
my mum is alwayyysss busy. plus she only knows auto
any older brother is a lying, unreliable twenty-something. i always thought him the reliable type, the way he gets so heated by the unreliability of others. lazy hypocrite.
my first instructor was crap. asian of course.
although i sat at the wheel it wasn't me driving. was a show made to look like i was progressing and giving well earned money as repayment
so i stopped after a few lessons
abt a year later, i started with the racv.
he was good. western of course.
it was purely me driving, the only time any peddles moved without my feet's consent were when the car wasn't moving.
he constantly pointed things out, teaching the process and quizzing to make sure i listened. things is, he made me nervouse, he was so friendly and that confused me since i didn't have enough brain power left to focus on friendly-ness. but i stuck withhim cos he was good
soon enough, i got to a decent level of driving
he told me to get my brother to take me driving atleast once a week for a while then in two months time to call him back so he can check on how i was progressing and so on till i was ready for the test.
sounded good since jonny had agreed confidently to do just that.
so bye bye teacher-that-teaches, bye bye nice normal car.
and hello brother-that-panics, hello stiff-uncomfortable sports car...for two weeks.
we had two lessons. once in our back streets and once in the knox parking lot.
then he left me. maybe there was that one month when he gave me an auto lesson...but otherwise there was nothing but a whole lot of 'yeah yeah i'll take you this wednesday, don't start your lessons again, you got me.'
now, several months later, it is january and my p plate test is in 4 months.
it has been almost two years
i was ok when i stopped racv lessons, crapper with my brother, and in the last months i'm sure my skill has fallen back to the starting point.
why won't anyone help me?
everybody's all 'when jess can drive she'll be able to help us out with this and this and this...' but geez, they don't lift a finger to even help me get there!
today jonny offered a lesson
but wen we got home he says 'half hour break', it's been an hour and a half [well actually now it's after dinner but wen i was writing this it had been 1.5 hours]
he's lying on his bed sending emails n talking on his mobile. when i came in to remind him he got all irritated and shouted
i'm an asian
i hate wasting money
i don't believe that this money needs to be spent
but i guess i'll have to start racv lessons again
luckily, i don't need 120hrs
so mad mad mad
so sad sad sad
so stresssssed!!!!